It’s that time again!
It’s a time when people run out to a fireworks store, booth, or the nearest state to spend some major cash on sparkly lights that’s over in a split second. We gather in our driveways and wait for traffic to clear and watch it all burn away for an expensive thrill.
It’s not just us crazy Americans, either. Lighting fireworks on the beach is a summer activity in a lot of places. Just make sure you are aware of your distances, tie up your hair, and know what the local laws are.
Where I grew up in Indiana, we played the old ‘take it to the next state’ game, where there was a whole bunch of fireworks you could legally buy but you had to ‘take it out of state’ to let them off. They weren’t as good as the ones at the Kentucky-Tennessee border (they really know how to throw a party in Tennessee), but at least buying them across the river was better than the in-state “Safe and Sane” fireworks. I’m sorry, but there’s only so many smoke bombs, bees, and sparklers you can do before even the toddler gets bored.
When I lived in California, there were towns that made sparklers illegal to prevent brush fires. Then things got even more confusing trying to remember which towns they were illegal in and which they weren’t, because in Southern California, it’s one great lump of endless towns where only the police know where one town ends and one begins. Fortunately, there were so many community events there you typically could see it from your backyard, so why try to sort out that headache?
In Las Vegas, things are pretty regulated, and for good reason. Most backyards are a total joke here… in Indiana, we would have called it ‘spitting distance’.
You might be able to get sparklers and snakes in a grocery store, but anything bigger than that has to come from a temporary charity booth filled with ground tanks, bees, and fountains that sound more impressive than they actually are. But considering how tight the houses are packed on the outskirts, maybe boring is better. The police here love to show off just how impressive their computer detectors are… “We can pinpoint it down a street address with our new tech!”
Well, I’ve heard that spiel every year for the last five years, but not once has anybody shown up when people in my sister’s neighborhood tried to burn the roof off of her house. So all of you living in the HOA jungle of Summerlin… good luck this year. You’re going to need it.
Anyway, as I was contemplating how much we need to spend this year for a fair contribution to our family’s fireworks party, a spark went off in my brain…
Damn.
I could have gotten a Superman on VeVe instead.
If I combined everyone’s contributions for fifteen minutes of flash,
I could have gotten a Todd Batman for that.
Of course, we’ll still go out there and watch the pile burn…
like we do every year…
to delight the kids and to create memories…
despite the fact that the prices go up and the pile seems to diminish every year.
But while everyone else is watching, I’ll probably be cringing...
While everyone is celebrating the right to buy what we want and burn what we want to!
And some of you thought those were new concepts.
Not.
Stay safe, and have a good week, everyone!